- Cartman: All this talk about future selves has made me think, maybe I should take better care of myself. I mean, maybe I should think about who I'm going to become.
- Future Cartman: Atta boy, Eric. You've made the right choice.
- Cartman: Who the hell are you?
- Future Cartman: [laughs] It's me, Cartman! You from the future. I came back to tell you that this is the day you turn it all around. You stop eating junk food and you start studying harder, you stay away from drugs and alcohol and you become CEO of your own time-travel company!
- Cartman: Oh wow, really? That's so awesome! Now I'll really work to be successful!
- Future Cartman: Right on!
- Cartman: [angry] Go have sex with yourself, asshole! I'm not that stupid! Just for that, I'm gonna spend my whole childhood eating what I want, and doin' drugs when I want! Whatever! I'll do what I want! [leaves]
- Future Cartman: No, wait! [turns into fat plumber] Oh, God dammit!
- Butters: [in Prof. Chaos outfit] Now you know my terrible secret!
- Stan: You're gay? It's fine if you're gay, Butters. I don't care.
- Butters: Huh? No, I'm Professor Chaos, Stan.
- Stan: But we have to teach our parents a lesson, Butters! We're running away! Help me find the perfect place to run away to! [walks away]
- Butters: Maybe I used a little too much silver.
- Stan: How much is this going to cost us?
- Cartman: $18,000. [Stan looks angry] How about just 387 easy payments of $199.95? [Stan looks angry] How about $5?
- Cartman: Now, I want you to take a look at some of these poop swatches.
- Butters: Poo...p-poop swatches?
- Cartman: Poop comes in a lot of varieties, Butters. I want to find the perfect one, tailored to your revenge on your parents.
"I’m going to tell him that I dropped out of school and went to prison for eight years, where I was sodomized….. in the ass."
— Future Kevin.
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